EASTER 6C, SUNDAY, MAY 26, 2019 - The Rev. Andrew Suitter

If You Love Me, Then You’ll Do As I Say…

Love Love Love. As of late, it seems like love is all the rage in the gospel lessons.

Love one another as I have loved you.
The greatest commandment is to love one another.
The world will know that you are Christian by your love for one another.
Love one another.

Last week, we spoke about Jesus calling us to the very center of our faith. He told us that at the end of the day, at the very center of our faith, and of Christian living, is the idea that none of this matters if first we first do not love one another.

We spoke about how Peter defended his actions after a dream caused his heart to grow in love for God’s people and the world. And from this, we spoke about how our dreams and visions can help us bring our life into focus—and if you can remember your dreams—perhaps they help us unpack and explore some nuance in our life or lead us down paths of loving God’s people more generously, and with more intention.

This week, we find the disciples with Jesus and their anxiety is at a full level 10. They know their best friend, their leader, is leaving them. There is a teaching about the Trinity—about how the Spirit will come and be present with them—when Jesus is no longer with them—and inspires them with such words as—if you love me then you will do what I say.

I remember my grandparents using tactics like this. “Andy, do you love Grammie?” she would ask. “Of course I do, Grammie. Why?” “Well, if you love Grammie, you will help her with the dishes today.” Or it could be any other task that she needed help to complete. It was annoying to me when she would say that because I knew that she raised my mother, and my mother always said you cannot,…… should not, manipulate people with love. Afterall, the Apostle Paul says that “Love is patient and kind and does not demand its own way—,”and so just as I am surprised by my grandmother using these words when I was younger—I too am surprised by Jesus’s words today. “If you love me, then you will do as I tell you to do.”

Part of me wonders if this is another common parenting tactic—parents help me out—be honest. Is the request as it is so that in doing what we have been asked to do--we are ultimately spending time with someone we love? Is agreeing to do what we have been asked to do out of love for someone really more of a testimony to a loving relationship than a manipulation of feelings? It doesn’t seem far fetched in my mind that someone we love could actually want to spend time with us. It does not seem far fetched to me that someone we love would want us to be intentional about our choosing to spend time with them, too.

In our gospel lesson today, we see the realistic confusion of a changing relationship. John goes on to talk about God and the faces of God that we see and celebrate as God the creator, Jesus the redeemer, and the Holy Spirit as the sanctifier.  John is quick to highlight the relationship among the triune God and that to these friends of Jesus, who are in fear of and mourning the departure of their friend—Jesus is reassuring them of his ongoing presence—but in another form.

In the words of Golden Girl Sophia Petrillo: Picture it: The Ancient East, year 1. The disciples are gathered once again, and they are not only hearing about this new way that they will relate to their friend, but the reality that he is going away is at its heaviest. I see their sunken shoulders and sad faces, as much as I can see their vulnerability completely exposed. Jesus says, “A friend will come to you. That friend will walk beside you, above you and within you. That friend, the Holy Spirit, will defend you and remind you of all that I, Jesus, have taught you.”

 One of the things that I am most sure of in this life, is that God works through the canon of American music to minister to my soul. Sacred music, for me, is not the only canon worth singing and including in our worship. I think the fingerprint of the Holy Spirit is on so much in the world and when we can celebrate it, its even better.

The song that has been in my heart all week after reading and wrestling with these passages is Carol King’s 1971 hit, You’ve Got a Friend. She writes:

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon i will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

Now tell me there is not a lot of Jesus in that song. Friendship with our God implies that we will communicate with our God—when the sky above is dark—when we are down and troubled—when we are joy-filled and exuberant. Such communication implies that we have a desired connection to the Holy Spirit who leads us time and time again to God’s peace, to the kind of peace that comes not from the world but from Love himself that sustains us—and grounds us.

 This week, our passage in Acts invites us to engage yet another vision-this time its Paul’s vision. Paul was, as usual, on a mission to share the Good News of Jesus and was traveling throughout Asia Minor and Europe. He was compelled to go to Macedonia but instead he ended up in Phillipi—talking with a woman called Lydia.

Now, Lydia was a very successful businesswoman from Thyatira living in Philippi. She was an independent woman—she sold purple cloth, ran a household, and worshipped God faithfully. Paul wasted no time in preaching the gospel of Christ to Lydia and the women of her household and it is reported that they all accepted this Good News and availed themselves for Baptism.

From the get-go, Lydia operates from an open heart. She took a risk being willing to host this group of gnarly men traveling the world and committed to doing what she could financially and materially to support the work of God that changed her life—ultimately becoming a pillar of the early church.

What we don’t hear in the rest of today’s lesson, is what goes on to happen for Paul. Next, Paul is sought after by an enslaved girl; he performs an exorcism which upsets a lot of people and gets hism in front of the magistrate. Paul and his friend Silas are beaten and put into prison—but prison even didn’t stop Paul from preaching. He converted the jailer—and the jailer and his newly converted family offer the men hospitality and medical care. When Paul and Silas left the jail, they immediately returned to Lydia’s house; but unfortunately, this is all we know of Lydia and her ministry.

When Jesus tells us, “If you love me, then you will do what I tell you to do,” it can be intimidating. It can be intimidating to think about the risks that can come with preaching the gospel, loving the world, and being faithful to what we know best. Paul and Lydia highlight that quandary and leave us with some soul searching. The work of ministry is difficult. It requires sacrifice, forethought, planning, vision casting, and taking chances. It requires us all to step up and discern. It is a call to deeper self-examination, to careful attention about how it is we spend our resources, our valuable time, and the hospitality we offer to this world.

The work of ministry bids us to do all these things and more—however we are not called to do this work in isolation. Community is at the very heart of the Christian identity from the early church on to today. Paul and Timothy traveled together. Lydia and her household of women were changed together. Jesus and the disciples made a life together.

Too often these days, our lives are dictated by the demands of our often-over-scheduled children; our hour plus commutes to the city; and busyness of all sorts. We have lives that require our everything and we are pulled in every direction. We are called to live in this world—however—we are also called to usher in the kingdom of God together. When one of us falls, another lifts us up. There is a working relationship here and it cannot be one sided.

We are not a Country Club. We are a community founded on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We are a community of broken people trying to make it in this rat race and we excel, and we fail beautifully. The time we share every week is a blessing. It is a finite amount of time and it requires a lot of sacrifice to be here. It is the one time a week where we can gather, break bread, worship, learn, and further piece together the work that God has begun in our lives, and it is a place to come when the storms of this life are rough. It is a place to come when life is good, and we need to offer our thanks and praise.

It is a time to gather and figure out how we do this Good News thing, together. How are we further changed by it? How do we further engage it and share it with the world? How do we hold the love we have for God, for one another and this world in one hand—and our ministry and service in the other?

This week, I have had the joy of seeing our Sunday School rooms used throughout the week for hospitality and shelter through the Family Promise program. As I have walked the hallway to my office, I pray for the names on the welcome signs. I pray for the traumas that have allowed for their homelessness; the anxiety that comes from being on the receiving end of basic needs—and knowing that a permanent home is just around the corner; I pray for the churches hosting these families, that they offer compassion, dignified care, and safety; and I pray for all the new homes that they will soon be establishing and all the new memories they will be making together.

I am so pleased that our church is a safe place for these families to come. I am pleased that my office is used in this ministry—and I am grateful for the shake up this brings to the walls of this house—because it reminds me that we are all in this together. Many of you welcome the families with hot meals, offer to stay the night as a means of support, and give of your time to offer meaningful hospitality. By your participation, it feels like we all participate. You all provide the safe space, the hot food, the utilities, and the open door that enable us to offer this ministry. I am grateful and proud to be a member of this community—of this community of Lydias.

If today sparks anything in you, I hope that its Lydia. I hope that her open heart, her hospitality and her zeal for ministry sparks something in you. I hope that she is able to engage you in asking some essential questions about life in the season ahead.

What excites you about this beautiful world? How has God uniquely gifted you to care for this world? How can we support one another to do this work of loving the world?

If you love me, you will do what I have asked you to do.

I am so glad I spent that time with my grandmother—that she cared enough about me to make those memories—and that serving alongside her helped shape the ways in which I see the world, and in turn, love it.

You are the church, my beloveds. Love one another, serve one another, and care for one another. The world is hungry, and you have just what it needs. Amen.

EASTER 5C, SUNDAY, MAY 19, 2019

A Vision of Love, based upon John 13:31-35 & Acts 11:1-18

While preparing for this sermon today, I was once again reminded of the very vague nature of the word “love” in the English language. For example, when thinking about the trajectory of this sermon—I decided to call it, “A Vision of Love.” However, as I sat there, I had this strange feeling that somehow, I knew this title from another medium. Before long, a melody came to mind, my fingers were tapping, and the lyrics and dancing soon followed. My millennial mind was taken back to another day and time when life was very different. The moment passed, and I pulled myself together and continued writing this sermon. But for all those music lovers out there curious about the song that came to my mind—it was Mariah Carey’s 1990 hit, “Vision of Love!”[1] Do you remember it? She sings.

Treated me kind. Sweet destiny. Carried me through desperation
To the one that was waiting for me…It took so long, and still I believe that somehow  
the one that I needed would find me eventually…I had a vision of love…

I don’t know about you, but this song takes me back to the roller rink; to the cafeteria dance floors of my youth, and I love it! However, as much as I enjoy this song, it is not where I want to stay for this sermon—but the title—that’s what I want to talk about today.

The Greeks have many words for all the different kinds of love that there are; and here are five:

1.      Eros is the passionate love that is brought together by Cupid—what Mariah was singing about.

2.      Storge is the loving connection among family members, and it highlights the sacrifices families often make for one another. It is a parent or grandparent working hard to provide food and shelter; it is the child who makes and offers meticulous pasta crafts for all occasions of gift giving; it is the first home that a child makes from college after the parents have driven away.

3.      Phileo is the emotional connection of close friendship—the friends who know you and love you regardless of your flaws—the friends you might spend Thanksgiving with to avoid the drama of some family.

4.      Philautia is the love one learns to have for themselves—and can be hard fought for a lifetime.

5.      Agape. Agape is the highest form of love and charity that one can offer the world. It is said that this is the kind of love with which God loves this world, with which God loves us, and it is the love we are called to offer back to God and to this world. It is an affectionate, caring, respectful, and consistent love.

Of all these loves, Agape is the kind of love found in our gospel passage today just on the heels of the last supper. Jesus says, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Imagine hearing this after you have just dined with someone you love for the last time and these are their parting words. Your mind is everywhere and nowhere at the same time; and while maybe you knew deep down that this end might come to pass, the reality that it is finally here is heavy. Seeing so, the disciples are afraid. They have not the headspace for Jesus’ stories that make us think, that can be quite broad, and yet so very poignant. Instead, in this moment, Jesus got right to the point; he looked at them and told them ever so simply, the way of Christian living.

Just as I have loved you…You ought to love one another.
By this, everyone will know you are my disciples if you have love for one another.

Too often, Christians have messed up this portion of our faith. We have gotten lost in the weeds of arrogance and pride, just as we have academia, scholasticism, and orthodoxy; and we have lost people along the way. We have developed Creeds that while useful in our understanding the story of our faith and highlight some major tenants about it, they do not quite get to the mission of our faith and the work to carry out the mission.

All too often, Christians have gotten fussy about church. They participate in a faith community either through critique of it or those therein. Some believe that their interpretation and practice of the faith is what everyone else ought to aspire to; while others can become persnickety about the selection of hymns, flowers, a misspoken word, or what is preached from the pulpit all the while overlooking the log that is stuck in their own eye. In some Christian communities, it almost feels like a competition to where the best looking and best sounding are deemed masters of the faith. In some parts of the church, the fruits of greed have been labeled as blessing, and the faith of the poor is further hijacked because faithfulness is tied to  this “blessing.”

My beloveds—this is far away from the bottom line that Christ preaches in this gospel today. We aren’t called to live perfect lives according to a creed, or way of belief per se, we are called to love God, to love one another, and to love this world with the same love that we experience in our relationship with our Lord. We are called to be lovers of people, their unique gifts and personalities, and to celebrate God’s genius in their being.

None of this is new to the faith of Jesus. He healed on the sabbath, he broke bread with people he was not supposed to, and he defended the same faith when the misguided actions of faith leaders brought toxicity into the community. His faithfulness was not measured by being orthodox in his practice, but loving and inclusive of the world around him.

This my beloveds, is the way that the world will know we are Christian. It is not only by our practice of faith, and neither is it only by the words that we say about our faith; but rather is it in our loving actions and generous care for one another, and for all of God’s children, that the world will know we are Christian. Everything else—the music, the creeds, the programs—they mean absolutely nothing if first we cannot love one another. 

Beloveds, the reality is, right now, we do not live in a world where we can go without the hope, grace, and peace that love brings. Our world is hungry for love; and it is our gift, our bounden duty, to love all God’s people—which then—is a testament to our love for our God.

In our lesson from Acts today, we come across a story about the first expansions of our faith and the conflict that ensued as a result of a general lack of respect and understanding for another. Surely this is nothing that we see today in communities where people live and work and worship, right?!

Here, Peter has met Gentiles who have taken the message of Christ, which at this point in time followers of Christ were mostly Jewish and were often considered adherents of a branch of Judaism. The conflict in this story is that those who were already part of the faith, were concerned that their leader was breaking bread with people who didn’t practice the same cultural values as the majority of those in the faith—and what might that mean for them? What might it mean when people who live differently than we do, begin to change us?

This conflict escalated and Peter had to defend his actions. In doing so, he tells us about a vision he had—a vision that explains why he was breaking bread with people outside the faith. Among the Gentile people, Peter says that while he was praying he saw a large sheet coming down from heaven. On this sheet were animals—beasts and birds alike—and suddenly there was a voice. This voice was God telling Peter to kill and eat whatever it was he wanted to from all those animals on the sheet. But, Peter refused touting the fact that he is a clean man, and will not eat anything that could defile him in any way. However, the voice came back, and tells Peter that what God has made clean, can make no one profane.

What Peter came to experience, through his love for the Gentile people and his attempts to understand their different ways, was a change of heart. His heart grew, and it grew to include people who lived differently than he did. In fact, the love and care that he offered the Gentiles served as the catalysts of faith in their lives.

Peter had a Vision of Love, and it changed the way in which he went into the world, loved the world, and shared his faith. It is this vision of love for one another that Christ tells us is the greatest commandment of our faith. The prayer of St. Francis, a favorite of many, reminds us of this kind of love, too. Francis prays:

 Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The historic faith invites us to love the world with abandon, and our visions and dreams can lead us in this way just as they did Peter.

What are the Visions of Love in your life? What are your dreams speaking to you in this season of life?

As a young gay man, I remember wrestling with God as I really believed I had to chose the faith of my heart or the fullness of my humanity. Christian and Gay did not reconcile. Over this period of several years, my dreams were of a place and time where I could live unburdened by shame and guilt and live into faith as an openly gay man. In some of these visions and dreams, I served as a pastor, and in others, I had a family of my own. Perhaps what was so confusing was that the voice of God in the dreams was far more loving and kind than the voice of God I had come to learn about earlier in my youth.

This period of years was spent trying to understand perhaps why I was gay; who it was that I could blame for these feelings, and I spent so much time trying to figure out this portion of my identity and reversing whatever it was that happened to get me to this point. Shame and guilt were the driving forces of my life, and on the inside I was wrecked.

It wasn’t until one hot summer day when an Episcopal priest I met took me to coffee and asked to hear what was in my heart. I shared my story. I shared about the dreams and the visions I had been having for the last several years, and what she said in response to them is something I will never forget. “Andrew,” she said, “the sin of homosexuality is not at all the homosexual; it is the way the church has treated the homosexual.” It was in that moment that the voice of the God in my dreams and visions, seemed for the first time a reality—and it was coming through this priest who knew the wounds I was nursing. I knew by her love for me, and for all the gay, lesbian and trans people in our community—that I was finally home—and that at last—my pain lifted. My heart opened up and grew to have a compassion for the world I did not know prior to that point. This came as a result of someone loving me enough to be a healing balm and raise me from the pits. This was the Christian faith I had always longed for; and it is what we are called to in these lessons today.

What are the visions and dreams of your hearts?
What burdens are weighing down your shoulders and are telling you that you are not enough?
What gift of love are you holding on to that God is patiently nudging you to offer this world?
     Is it the gift of companionship to the dying? Is it the gift of foster care?
     Is it the gift of compassion for people experiencing wounds you know all too well?
     Is it the gift of feeding hungry bellies and curious souls?

Perhaps the vision of love inside your heart is to be a better steward of the relationships you have with those closest to you; to show them love in more tangible ways. Perhaps the vision of love inside your heart is to practice the art of thinking before you speak; to stand up when you might normally shrink back; to lavish love when you might want to conserve it. We all have visions of love---and it is through loving this world—the greatest commandment of our Lord—that we live into them and are ourselves changed by them.

I love you. God loves you. And may we love one another in the same way. Amen.

[1] https://genius.com/Mariah-carey-vision-of-love-lyrics

EASTER 4C, SUNDAY, MAY 12, 2019

Sam Love

Let us pray:

“Most gracious and gentle God, from the womb of your love your gave birth to all creation; and in your Son Jesus Christ you reveal a loving kindness that longs to gather up your children under the shadow of your wings.

Bless, we pray, all mothers, especially those who nurse and care for your children.

Give them patience and wisdom. Sustain them in gentleness and grace. Deepen the tenderness of their affections. Affirm them in the nobility of their calling.

May our children always find in the embrace of mothers an outward and visible sign of your never-failing love and care. And through the love of our mothers, may we all feel the warmth of your tender mercies and know the constancy of your unconditional love.

Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

Amen.”

Hallelujah, the Lord is risen!

Why then, do we find ourselves back at the temple?

We’ve been through the long work of soul-searching and casting off the works of darkness that is Lent. And we’ve trod the long and difficult path that leads from the garden to the upper room, to the glorious empty tomb. So, how is it that the lectionary organizers place us way back in the feast of Dedication, which is Hanukkah? Another miraculous appearance or even something from Season 2, I’d understand, but there seems to be a disconnect here. At least, those were my first thoughts as I looked at the readings for today.

Lent shows us where we’ve been, Easter shows us where we’re going. So, what’s with the prequel?

Then it came to me.

Traditionally, Mystagogia is a period in the church’s life, after Easter, for neophytes to be instructed in the mysteries of our faith. It is also a season of reflection for our more seasoned members. Rather than rush to get things back to “normal”, after all the Easter preparations and celebrations are over, it’s a time for us to look back and contemplate the meaning that Jesus’ resurrection has for our daily lives; To see what, as Pastor Suzi said last week, the “new normal” is, now that we have been reconciled to God.

To ensure that we’re truly on the right path—that we haven’t just put back on what was cast off during Lent—we are encouraged to (as we say) persevere in resisting evil, and when (not if) we fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord. So let’s look a little deeper into the good news we have before us this morning, to see what mystery or mysteries there are for us to contemplate.

In today’s gospel, we find Jesus being challenged by a group of people (assumed to be Jewish leadership by most scholars) who seemingly could not or would not accept his identity. “Are you the Messiah? If so, tell us plainly, they insist—as if there was a microphone hidden somewhere, collecting all the evidence they would need to convict him. But Jesus turns the tables on them, figuratively this time. “I have told you plainly” he says, “and for those of you who believe actions speak louder than words, look at the works I’ve done; even they testify to who I am”.

So the problem, Jesus points out, isn’t that I haven’t “told you plainly”; the real issue here is that you’re unable or unwilling to accept what I’ve told you because you are not in right relationship with me. Jesus uses the metaphor of a shepherd and his flock to illustrate what a right relationship between God and the people of God looks like (Hint: It looks like living the 23rd Psalm). They don’t recognize the voice of this shepherd, because they’re not his flock.

We know that Jesus is the Good Shepherd, but are we part of His flock? Are we good sheep?

Sheep, in the today’s world, have traditionally gotten a bum rap. They’re seen as docile, not-too-bright creatures, without a lick of intestinal fortitude in them. On the other hand, spiritually speaking, they represent unity and peace. And their young ones (lambs) are the embodiment of purity and innocence.

Since Easter we have, through our Collect Prayers, been in a constant dialogue with our creator; beseeching the God who:

1.       Gave His only begotten son to deliver us from the power of our enemy, to grant us so to die daily to sin.

2.       Established a new covenant of reconciliation, so that we may show forth in our lives what we profess by our faith.

3.       Made himself know (in Jesus), to open our eyes to see him.

4.       As the good shepherd, pursues the lost and lays down his life for his flock; enable us to hear his voice, know who calls us and follow where he leads.

We have been asking God to help us be good sheep; Jesus’ sheep.

Jesus’ sheep hear his voice and follow him.

"Two men were walking along a crowded city sidewalk. Suddenly, one of the men remarked, "Listen to the lovely sound of that cricket," But the other man could not hear the sound. He asked his friend how he could hear the sound of a cricket amid the roar of the traffic and the sound of the people.

The first man, who was a zoologist, had trained himself to hear the sounds of nature.

He didn’t explain to his friend in words how he could hear the sound of the cricket, but instead, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a half-dollar coin, dropped it onto the sidewalk, and watch intently as a dozen people began to look for the coin as they heard it clanking around amid the sounds of the traffic and the sounds of the crowded city living.

He turned to his friend and said, "We hear what we listen for."

As good sheep, we learn to listen—even amid the noise and struggle of our daily walk—for the voice of our shepherd: who will lead, guide, direct, strengthen and protect us. And we follow him—from weddings and miracles, to betrayal and the cross, to resurrection and ascension—through our thoughts, words, deeds and our lives together as a community of faith. We follow him through the many wonderful ministries, here, that are our response to His call and that exemplify our belief in and commitment to our baptismal covenant.

Jesus knows his sheep, and his sheep know him who calls.

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me”, says Psalm 139. “You know my coming in and going out. Even before a word is on my tongue, you O Lord know it completely”. Jesus knows who we really are—that sometimes we wander and on occasion get altogether lost, either because we get distracted by other shepherds or because we choose to be driven rather than lead—and yet loves us (Hallelujah) anyway.

On the other hand, “knowing” Jesus’ voice (at first glance) seems to imply some kind of cursory recognition. In Spanish, however, there are a couple of words used to describe or define “to know”; Saber and Conocer. “Saber” is more at being aware of or knowing about someone or something. But “conocer” leans more in the direction of having deep personal knowledge or experience of someone or something. “Saber”, we know by heart. “Conocer”, we know in our heart of hearts. And I think this is where our thoughts are being lead; From a group of people surrounding Jesus in a temple a long time ago, to a group of people gathered around Jesus in a church today.

In last week’s gospel lesson, Jesus said to Peter “Do you love me? Feed my sheep.” And today Jesus is saying to us, “Do you love me? Be my sheep”.

Let us pray,

God of the green pastures and still waters, we come before you in this hour longing for the peace, healing and wholeness that only your spirit of grace can give. Help us in this season of introspection, to find the holes in our logic; the empty places in our hearts, and the gaps between our beliefs and our behavior; that we may be filled with your Love, embrace your mysteries, and follow where you alone lead.

Amen.

GOOD FRIDAY, FRIDAY APRIL 19, 2019

Have you ever gone to visit someone or something and got the feeling that this was the last time? Have you ever been in such a thin space with God or with someone else that tears were the only language you needed to know? Have you even been betrayed—or been the betrayer—hurting someone you love in a harmful way? Friends, this is the scope of Holy Week. It is the final entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. It is the final meal he shares with his disciples. It is the time when his feet are anointed and his body prepared for its burial while still living. It is the time when friends Judas and Peter betray him and not only does it get him killed—it is a denial of the greatest of loves.

On this Good Friday, we see Simon of Cyrene help Jesus carry this cross to the hill where he will die. We see Jesus spat upon, pushed down, criminalized, tortured, and killed all in the name of the state all because he believed in a way of living called Love. However, Holy Week, and in particularly, Good Friday, is not only about gloom. While Jesus is hanging on the cross, we are told about the two men on either side of him; and despite not knowing them or having any real relationship with them--he promises them paradise—forgiving them for the things they’ve done knowing their time is also coming to an end. What I find most compelling about Good Friday, is that despite all the trauma Jesus has been through, and despite all the betrayal he has endured, he continues to practice what he believes even under the biggest cloud of doubt. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” he cried, as the whips tore into his skin and people watched with glee.  

Beloveds, Holy Week is a week long journey into the life of our Christ. We are joined with him in his doubts, in his pain, and we come into touch with our own doubts and step even closer to our own pains as we walk this narrative and sit with Christ in his agony. Good Friday confronts us with the pains and evils of this world that challenged Christ and the system that killed him—and it gives us glimpses into the systems of this world today that cast shadows over entire bodies of people and still crucify them.

However--Holy Week also brings us to a place where--our pains have opportunity to meet God’s compassion; our disappointments are met with God’s steadfast love; and our hopes have yet another opportunity to live again. Holy Week asks us to consider those areas in our life that need resurrection. It asks us to think about those parts of our life where Christ is still on the cross—where there is pain or agony—resentment or bitterness—and it asks us to think about what it might it look like to let some of this pain die with Christ—even just some of it—so that we might experience some new kind of resurrection with our Lord on Easter Sunday.

Holy Week is not necessarily a time to forgive offenses that have caused us great harm as forgiveness is an incredible journey that is not at all easy and can take a very long time. However—Holy Week is a time that invites us to consider where it is that all the pains we know and suffer, intersect with the God of Love who came into human form and lived as one of us—was rejected, betrayed, tortured, and left to die. Holy Week invites us to sit in those thin spaces and keep vigil—in the same way God keeps vigil with us in the storms of this life—in the same way we keep vigil with Christ in his death. Holy Week asks us to prepare our hearts to go deep into this work. It invites us to break bread—to wash one another’s feet—to anoint our bodies for burial with Christ—and to bear witness yet again to the pains of this world that killed our Christ—and continue to this day taking the lives of holy innocents. Good Friday reminds us that while Christ died—love never gives up. Love remembers the repentant and welcomes them home. Love remembers the doubtful and embraces them with conviction. Love faces every fear, and fights every battle, and remains the greatest of hopes and all virtues. Good Friday reminds us that Love never fails—that even from the grave—we make our song, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia. This my beloveds, is what we gather to proclaim even in our darkest of hours—and it is this song that has called us together for these last two thousand years.

For many years, I wondered what, if anything about Good Friday was Good. I wondered why something so tragic, so criminal, as the death of Christ was in any way good. Did God really want this all to happen? Does God really forsake us in this way today? Christ, from the cross, even doubted. It is only natural that we too feel this—and we see this played out in the story of Peter—who apart from these three instances remained a person with strong faith and conviction. We also must consider Judas—who despite his selling Jesus out—suffered a very weak moment. We are no different.

The Good News of Good Friday, my beloveds, is that we are again invited into the mystery of God’s love. The pains we bear in this life—are met by God’s love. The doubts we have in this life—are met by God’s love. The pain and suffering we experience in this life are not some evil sent to us from a God who leaves us hanging. We are instead met with Love—in our darkest moments of this life—in our darkest moments on the crosses we bear. Perfect love calls us home. Perfect love walks with us in our pain. Perfect love bears our every pain. This is the Good News of Good Friday. Love’s finest display—the cross that bears the sins of the world. It is uncomfortable to watch what happened. It is uncomfortable to see anybody we love suffer…and like the disciples who stood to observe this awful pain…we are reminded that the invitation of God is to love us and never leave us or forsake us. Beloveds, we kneel in the presence of Christ at this cross today, bearing our full selves—both the disciple and the betrayer. In these days, we are invited to sit with Christ’s body and pray—just as Christ sits with us even in our darkest hour—and waits with us for resurrection. This is an opportunity to participate in the life, death, and resurrection of our Christ—and it is the hope of our faith. Good Friday is Good News. Friends, we are an Easter people—we know that from the ashes Love will rise again—we see it every day—even when we doubt—even when we can’t see it for ourselves. If you’re going through hell—hold on. Love is not yet done.

EASTER 2C, SUNDAY, APRIL 28, 2019

Deacon Sue Nebel

Alleluia. Christ is risen. (People respond: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia.) It has been a full week since we first made that joyful proclamation. A week since we heard the story of the discovery of the empty tomb. The first hint that something remarkable had happened. A week since the first post-Resurrection appearance of Jesus. Recognized by Mary Magdalene in the garden near the tomb. In the days since then, in churches with weekday celebrations of the Eucharist, people have heard the stories of more post-Resurrection appearances. Jesus appears to some followers on their way from Jerusalem to the nearby town of Emmaus. He also appears to the disciples. Gradually the light of hope grows in the darkness of despair. The realization that the political powers of oppression, the powers of darkness, have been defeated. God has done something remarkable. God has raised Jesus from the dead into new life. In this morning’s Gospel, we hear the story of the first appearance of Jesus to the disciples. A week later, he appears again. Thomas, who had not been present with the other disciples when they encountered Jesus, needs to be convinced of this new reality. Struggling to believe the impossible, Thomas wants to see the marks of the wounds on Jesus’s body. Responding to Jesus’s invitation to touch him, Thomas bursts out: “My Lord and my God.” Recognition and belief. 

This morning, we hear not only the story of Thomas’s affirmation of Jesus. We also get a glimpse of the impact of the Resurrection on the disciples. In the first reading from the Book of Acts, Peter and the disciples, now called apostles, have been brought before the authorities. Peter, who after the arrest of Jesus denied any connection to him, is now a voice of affirmation. With the others, he boldly affirms loyalty to God rather than any human authority. Emboldened and strengthened, Peter and the others are moving forward to continue the story of Jesus. They will spread the good news. They will tell the story of Jesus: his life and death, his deeds of healing and teaching. His message of a God that loves all of God’s children. Fully and completely, without regard to their status in society. A God that dreams of a world in which all are honored and respected, where all human life thrives.

Easter. Resurrection. Inside the walls of our churches, we celebrate and rejoice in new hope. Outside it is a very different story. This has been a difficult week. On a global level there were the bombings in Sri Lanka. As the day wore on, we learned the magnitude of the tragedy: 250+ people killed, many more injured. Christians targeted by religious extremists. Then yesterday, news of another shooting in a place of worship. This time a synagogue in San Diego. The target: Jews. Closer to home, the initials A.J. were etched on our hearts. We heard the news of a five year old missing in Crystal Lake. We waited anxiously, hoping for his safe return home. Then came the news we had been dreading: A.J. had been found. He was dead, murdered. The details of his short, difficult life emerged: abusive parents, drug usage, the failure of a system that is supposed to protect at risk children. Easter. Resurrection. Good news. How do we find good news in the face all of this? Where do we find hope?

Surrounded by all this bad news, I did what I often do. Like Native Americans and people in many cultures, I turned to the elders. My go-to sources for wisdom. I turned first to Steven Charleston. You may have heard his name. I have mentioned him before. Steven Charleston is the retired Bishop of Alaska and currently works with the Native American/Indigenous Peoples Ministries of the Episcopal Church. I subscribe to his posts on the Internet.  He said this about the bombings in Sri Lanka:

I will remember Sri Lanka. I am sure you will too. . .We have seen it before, but the bombing of places of worship still has the power to startle us because its cruelty is so calculating. It reminds us that our job as people of faith is far from over. In many ways, we have just begun. The task ahead is both dangerous and difficult, but we will not back down from the cause of peace between all people of all religions. We will never be bullied by religious terrorism. Why? Because we remember Sri Lanka.

Our job as people of faith is far from over. In many ways, we have just begun. That sounds like Thomas, ready to move forward into a new, unknown future. That sounds like Peter and the disciples. Refusing to back down. Ready to carry on the work that Jesus started. That sounds like Resurrection. 

After drawing from Steven Charleston’s wisdom, I turned to another of my go-to people: Michael Curry, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. I discovered that he too had turned to an elder, a source of wisdom. For him it was Barbara Harris. Barbara Harris, an African American, was the first woman ordained and consecrated a bishop in The Episcopal Church. She has written a memoir titled Hallelujah, Anyhow! The title comes from an old Gospel hymn:

Hallelujah anyhow!
Never let your troubles get you down.
When your troubles come your way
Hold your hands up high and say
Hallelujah anyhow!

Michael Curry makes that phrase “Hallelujah anyhow!” the theme for his Easter message. He retells the story of Mary Magdalene. Standing at the foot of the Cross, faithful to the end. Hallelujah anyhow! Mary and the women going to the tomb in the early morning darkness. In the midst of grief and lost hope, going to perform a final act of love: preparing the body for burial. Hallelujah anyhow! Mary seeing Jesus in the garden, experiencing the impossible. Hallelujah anyhow!

As we moved through this past week, we began to hear more about Sri Lanka. Muslims opening their mosques to the Christian faith communities that had been attacked. Offering them space for their worship services. Hallelujah, anyhow! People bringing toys, stuffed animals, and messages of love to the memorial at A.J. Freund’s home. People gathering for a vigil, lighting candles in the darkness. An outpouring of generosity and love that A.J. did not experience in his short, sad life. Hallelujah anyhow! A community activist moving through the crowd. Handing out information sheets on how to report suspected abuse. She said: “I want this community to be a place where children are safe.” Hallelujah anyhow! 

Allelulia, Christ is risen. The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia. We begin our services throughout the Easter season, the Great Fifty Days of Easter, with those words. We end with an Easter Dismissal: Let us go forth in the name of the Risen Christ. Alleluia. Alleluia. We go out from this place into the world. A hurting world. A world in need of good news. In need of love. In need of hope. Let us go forth from this place, committed to our role as modern-day disciples of Jesus. Resolved to bring, in our words and actions, God’s love to those whom we meet. It will not always be easy. Jesus never promised anyone that. But do it we will. Hallelujah anyhow!

Second Sunday of Easter; Year C

Acts 5:27-32; Psalm 150; Revelation 1:4-8; John 20:19-31

EASTER DAY, APRIL 21, 2019

The Rev. Suzi Holding

Love is come again like wheat that springeth green.

In a staff meeting a few weeks ago, our deacon Sue looked out on the lawn (the actual lawn, not our astro turf courtyard) and remarked…”grass is the miracle plant….you look at in winter and it looks like it won’t ever come back…and then it does…and it seems greener than ever before!”

This is such a lovely and energizing time of year as we see the green shoots burst forth from the ground, bearing buds of different varieties and colors, watch assorted foliage beginning to unfurl, notice the greening of the trees as new leaves begin to sprout.

This time of year Creation conspires to remind us that new life abounds. This is the reassurance that spring brings.

Creation is resplendent with signs of resurrection…such is the cycle of nature, that death is transformed into new life…signs of new life spring up all around.

Having these images of new growth seem apropos when we think Easter…not just these signs of spring and cute little bunnies, but the good news of the resurrection of Jesus.

In John’s account we hear that it is early on the first day of the week, still dark. Mary Magdalene came to the tomb where Jesus had been laid. She had been with Jesus through it all and I imagine was in shock after the events of those past few days. If you have ever lost someone very dear, you know that those early days of grief are surreal.

So she tends to the familiar rituals of grieving, intending to anoint his body with spices and oil. 

She saw the stone removed from in front of it and she ran back to the men to tell them and they in turn ran to see for themselves….they saw the same thing but did not understand the significance and went back to their homes.

Mary on the other hand stayed…as she had done at the cross…as she had done from the first moment she met Jesus and her life was forever changed… and now she stood weeping, just outside the tomb…she peaked her head inside… and saw two white angels who asked her….why are you weeping? And she answers that her Lord is gone.

She notices a man just outside the tomb who also asks her that same question…but also another one, Whom are you looking for?

This man, she supposed him to be the gardener… (Jesus inexplicably bound with creation, all living things).

Sometimes we see what we expect to see…a gardener in a garden…rather than see the unexpected, the risen Christ in our midst.

I have read this passage many times, preached on it several times, looked at countless depictions of art work of this particular encounter between Jesus and Mary, many of these works of art showing him with gardening hat and hoe or shovel. And I admit that I have found it a bit amusing that Mary did not recognize Jesus and mistook him for the gardener.

And yet for some reason, this season it has struck me in a profound way. Perhaps it is because gardening is on my mind. My daughter has become quite environmentally conscious and is telling me what pollinators I should plant. Perhaps it is because earth day is tomorrow and earth care is more critical now than ever.

When asked “Whom are you looking for?” Mary sees the gardener. John, the writer of this Gospel chooses his words and images carefully and what he says often has layers of meaning attached to it. They are complex and profound and nothing accidental. 

So it occurs to me that this image of Gardner is not random or trivial. This is not a case of mistaken identity.

John places Jesus’ tomb in a garden, and we are reminded of that first garden of creation, the Garden of Eden - On the 3rd day dry land, seas, plants and trees were created.

This garden of the tomb, a place of death, brought forth the first fruits of the resurrection, new life on the third day.

Mary Magdalene thought she met the gardener. She was right. Was it a mistake, or perhaps not a mistake at all. Maybe she saw what she needed to see. Jesus had certainly played a gardener role in her life. Not only was he her teacher, but he was so much more. This gardener knows her, warts and all. This gardener showed her what it meant to be loved, truly deeply loved, without condition, without judgement….and showed her how to love in return.

St. Gregory the Great, the Pope who helped spur the expansive spread of Christianity in the late sixth century, in his sermon on this passage said “Perhaps this woman was not as mistaken as she appeared to be when she believed that Jesus was a gardener. Was he not spiritually a gardener for her when he planted fruitful seeds of virtue on her heart by the force of his love?”

The man asked Mary “Whom are you looking for?” and she saw a gardener.

A gardener’s work is earthy and intimate. Gardeners have their hands in the humus, in the dirt.  Gardeners handle things with living hands… Tending, nurturing, caring, tilling, being attentive to good soil, sufficiently watering, planting seeds.

And isn’t Jesus always planting seeds, even when we don’t recognize them, even when they begin to sprout. He himself said a few days before “unless a seed falls into the ground and dies it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12: 24). Even many of the parables, teaching stories he told were about planting, growing, pruning and watering…even fertilizing with manure (Luke 13: 6-9).

Jesus is the Gardener of our souls….by watering the seeds of faith within us.

His hands get dirty in the soil of our hearts.

We see Jesus as cultivating new life…cultivating resurrection life, resurrection hope, resurrection promise.  Cultivating us with care so we grow and flourish…

Nurturing, encouraging, fostering, enriching us.

I am guessing that Jesus has the most amazing green thumb and can make anything grow. He will nurture you to a fruitful state, he will fertilize to heal and strengthen you, and prune to thrive.

Jesus as gardener connects us with the created order…where we see God’s promise of renewal and also our call to be stewards of all God’s creation, all God’s living things.

Martin Luther, sixteenth century reformer, has said… “Our Lord has written the promise of Resurrection, not in books alone but in every green leaf in spring-time.”

A few years ago I took a class on the Church and Sustainability. A Korean student was in the class and as part of his final project he shared with us a video of the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea, an area created nearly sixty years ago, the land was ravaged by the war, nothing left. The video began with images of the devastation and barrenness of this once fertile land… an approximately two-mile wide swath of land bound on both sides by barbed wire, stretching across the 155-mile width of the Korean peninsula. Because the zone is off-limits to human development, it has become a vibrant ecosystem, a haven for protected and endangered animal and plant species, a habitat restored, renewed, regrown.

The images of this renewal were astounding…the message even more profound…from the many who had sacrificed their lives in war, a garden had blossomed, …a remnant of violent conflict became the symbol of a greener, more peaceful future.

In the unique event of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, our faith stands on the promise of Jesus’ triumphant victory over death…in all of its forms. The hymn, “Now the Green Blade Riseth” which we will sing in just a bit, says it all. The tune is perhaps better known as a Christmas carol but the words are all about Easter…

In the grave they laid him, Love whom hate had slain…(verse 2)

Forth he came at Easter, like the risen grain

He that for three days in the grave had lain,

Quick from the dead my risen Lord is seen:

Love is come again like wheat that springeth green (verse 3)

That is the good news of Easter….new life, new hope,

That is the invitation of Jesus…our gardener….

Jesus as gardener is not Easter fluff, but is something real, the answer to the question “Whom are you looking for?” Consider…where you are meeting the risen Lord in your life? where you are seeing God's newness in your life? How you might continue to nurture that new growth?

As we hear news reports coming in about the violent attacks in Sri Lanka, including three churches where people were worshiping on Easter morning, we must proclaim that the resurrection is real…so many have witnessed it in their lives, God proclaims it in creation. Life inexplicably follows death; that is the Christian hope and promise.

May Christ the gardener nurture our faith and strengthen our hope, especially in times of new life, so we may see and live the Easter promise.

Acts 10: 34-43; Psalm 118: 14-17, 22-23; 1 Corinthians 15: 19-26; John 20: 1-18

EASTER VIGIL, APRIL 20, 2019

The Rev. Suzi Holding

An Idle Tale

That’s what Jesus’ disciples thought when they heard what the women had to say when they returned from Jesus’ tomb…their story seemed to them an idle tale, nonsense, foolishness…and they did not believe a word of it.

Yes, this was just a silly story spun by the sorrow and wishful thinking of these grief stricken women.

Seriously, the stone rolled away from the tomb, no body inside, two men appearing in dazzling clothes, saying Jesus was raised from the dead…why the women didn’t even see Jesus… An idle tale indeed!

When I was 4 years old, I told my mother about a new friend I had. We had just moved to Dayton, Ohio and I was lonely. I told my mom that he was coming over for lunch so she fixed a couple of peanut butter sandwiches for us, and I sat down at our picnic table outside. After a while she came outside and saw that the sandwiches were gone.

She asked where my new friend was...I said he had just left…she asked his name, I said it was Casper the friendly ghost, as serious as anything. Well she gave me a look, rolled her eyes, and shook her head as if to say “what nonsense, what utter foolishness”…truly an idle tale.

I imagine that Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary and the other women got a similar look when they told the other disciples what they had seen….the men didn’t believe them.

But these women knew that they were telling the truth, the living gospel truth.

When the two men in the dazzling clothes told them to remember what Jesus had said to them, while he was still in Galilee...that he must be handed over to sinners, be crucified and on the third day rise again…

They remembered.

Of course they remembered. These were the same women who had traveled with him from Galilee, they had heard his teachings, witnessed the healings, they had been with him those last days in Jerusalem, they had seen him arrested by the soldiers, they had stood at the foot of that cross and watched him die, they had gone to the tomb and seen him buried and the stone rolled across the entrance to the tomb.

All those strange things he had said now made sense

Yes, they remembered….not in the way of nostalgia….but in the way of bringing the past into the present, the meaning of his past words and action made real. They remembered with power and deep insight, understanding his words now through the eyes of faith.

So why did this seem like an “idle tale” to the men? They had heard Jesus say the same things.

I wonder…Perhaps they had thought that Jesus’ language about his own dying and rising again might be a metaphor like all those parables he told.

They often did not fully understand what Jesus was saying.

They never thought, or even considered that what he was talking about was the battle being waged with the enemy, with death itself.

When Peter heard the women’s story, he didn’t believe them and I imagine thought them silly women. He had to see for himself.

So Peter got up and ran…ran to the tomb, stooped and looked inside and saw just the linen clothes…nothing else. He walked away…stunned, amazed, bewildered, wondering…and went home.

But there came a time when he wondered no more…..the idle tale became living truth for him, emboldening him, changing his life forever.

As the events of the next few days unfolded, the story was told again and again, no longer an idle tale, but a story of hope, a story of God’s saving grace and love.

This evening we have heard stories of hope, stories of God’s saving grace and love…some might say the Creation story is an idle tale, or the great flood is nonsense….or the dry bones coming to life is foolishness.

Yet these stories, and others, have been told time and again by God’s people as part of the amazing story of God’s love for God’s people.

For those of us baptized we are grafted into this story, and our story connects with each other and that connects to an even greater story….that story of God’s love for each of us.

Our stories connect with the stories of those early disciples, with martyrs and saints, past present and yet to come, and with redeemed sinners here, there and everywhere.

We are a people of story… our stories give us identity, a sense of who we are, and shape us into who we become. And this story is not an idle tale, but a story that has the power to transform our lives, just like it did for those early disciples, just as it has done for the faithful through the generations …. their lives have been transformed, they have been emboldened to live anew.

If the resurrection was truly just an idle tale, we wouldn’t be too interested in a baby born in a manger…

without the story of the resurrection, Jesus would have been just another innocent victim executed by Rome,

without the resurrection, bread and wine would simply be bread and wine,

without the resurrection we would be sleeping in every Sunday morning.

The story makes a difference…..for many this idle tale has become the story of life ….the story where we find courage, strength, justice, mercy and ultimately, foundationally Love...

the story that confirms death does not have the final word and assures us that there is something more beyond our earthly horizons….

In this Post modern post Christian secular world this may sound like an idle tale.

But for those of us who have experienced the risen Christ, we gather here because the story is not just an idle tale. We gather here because the resurrection of Jesus is what gives us life.

“Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”[1] Amen.

[1] 1 Corinthians 15: 57

Romans 6:3-11; Psalm 114; Luke 24: 1-12

LENT 5C, SUNDAY, APRIL 7, 2019

The Rev. Suzi Holding

I remember that evening….spring was in the air…there were signs of new growth, new life everywhere. Flowers were beginning to push their green stems out of the ground, their buds just emerging. There was just a hint of a fresh, sweet fragrance in the air…the long gray winter was finally over.

We had just finished dinner. Jesus had once again regaled us with stories…what an amazing story teller he was. But his stories were not just fanciful imaginings…there was always some nugget of truth, something that caught your attention and you started to see things in a different way, your perceptions challenged and then changed…..

My brother Lazarus was with us….now there was a truth that some found hard to believe…just a few weeks earlier we thought we had lost him forever. I still have trouble believing what I saw…that he came out of that tomb, after being in it for four days…still wrapped in the grave cloths…I could not believe my eyes!

We had sent word to Jesus that Lazarus had taken ill…and I was so disappointed when he didn’t come immediately. Jesus was like family…Lazarus had been like a brother to him. Our own parents had died years before and we cherished that sense of extended family with him. He had stayed in our home, broke bread with us many times over the past three years. I thought  he would drop everything and come to be with us and with Lazarus. But he didn’t. I know it wasn’t safe for him to come. People in power and positions of influence were disturbed by things he was saying and how more and more people were gathering to hear him. Already some had tried to stone him at one of these gathering. His disciples told him not to come….

and then he came.  But it was too late. Lazarus was already dead. So many people had come to our house to mourn with us. When my sister Martha heard that Jesus was coming she ran out to greet him…I stayed back with our friends…that is until Martha came back telling me Jesus was asking for me…I rushed out, and everybody at the house followed me.  When I saw him I knelt at his feet….crying…and he asked where Lazarus had been laid... there were tears in his eyes…

When he saw the cave where Lazarus has been laid, he told some people to move the stone that was in front of it…Martha looked at him and said, it is really going to stink if you do that….he has been dead four days…he looked at her and said…Believe,…Trust me…

As they moved away the stone, Jesus looked up and prayed…Father…and then he looked at the cave, raise his voice and said “Lazarus come out!”……and he did!

I can still hardy believe it happened…Lazarus was alive again…and there he was, sitting with us that night having dinner… I reached over to pinch him just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it…he laughed at me. And rolled his eyes. Typical big brother!

When dinner was over, Martha was busy as usual cleaning up after the meal…there had been quite a few of us at dinner that evening so there was much to do.

I had taken my usual spot at Jesus feet, listening and hanging on his every word…and Martha gave me the side eye, as usual! Women were not supposed to be with the men when they were having their important after dinner conversations. Jesus didn’t mind though.

Those days things seemed so tense…having known Jesus and going around with him…the things he said and did.…he was making some people very nervous…even within our own cohort…Judas was not happy,  He grumbled and complained.  Judas was so tightly wound….like energy contained, ready to burst forth at any moment….like a bomb ready to explode… he had such a fervor for the resistance, a zeal, to get rid of the Roman Occupiers by any means possible, to call to account the religious authorities that collaborated with them….he was so impatient and agitated.

The men were talking about men things…and then conversation shifted. The disciples were worried. Hostility had been mounting since Jesus spoke Lazarus back to life. The intensity of the danger to him had increased. There were rumors that the authorities were plotting against him

The men were saying he shouldn’t go into nearby Jerusalem,…the leaders in the city were after him.

Judas and the others were trying to tell Jesus what to do….Jesus  was unwavering. His face was set…

and then I knew…he was well aware of what awaited him in Jerusalem and he was bound and determined to walk right into it. My heart began to break…because I knew he wasn’t coming back.

And I thought about that special oil in the alabaster jar that I kept in the other room…a very exceptional and expensive oil from the East, a dark golden oil…with healing properties…some people used it to anoint the dead. We had a goodly amount.

I got up and got it and sat once again by him.

I remember pouring the oil on his feet. I did not want to hold back. Jesus had taught us about God’s generosity, about God’s love and grace poured out lavishly on us, God’s beloved…and so I poured out that exceptional oil on those feet…those worn and calloused feet as I held them tenderly in my hand. 

And I looked up and saw he was looking at me…the way that only he could look at you…as if he knew you to the very core of your being… warts and all, and yet loved you fully, deeply, without restraint. I looked into those eyes of his…oh my they were the color of rich amber honey…

And I started to cry…my tears falling on those feet,…I used my hair to wipe them away…and it felt like time stood still…and the future and all that would happen to Jesus would be kept at bay.

Judas broke the moment…ranted…by saying “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denari and the money given to the poor?”  Well he was right …that oil would fetch a high price on the market…well over a year’s worth of wages….and yes, that money could be given to help the poor. For a moment I felt ashamed, that I had stupidly wasted that precious oil…Judas was good at saying things that could make you feel like you were never doing enough…that whatever you did, no matter how much you tried…it wasn’t enough.

There were those among us who were beginning to distrust Judas…he kept the common purse…and money seemed to be missing from it more and more…it was easy to suspect him.

And then Jesus told him to leave me alone….to just back off…Jesus knew what I had done and why…he knew what it cost me…not just the oil, but the aching in my heart, my grief and my tears.

The scent of that oil lingered in the house well after everyone had left for the evening…a wonderful earthy, musky fragrance, a wonderful reminder of love.

The following week is still a blur…the treachery and the betrayal, the way he was taken and executed…I am still in shock.

I remember the way he looked at me…the way he looked at all of us, even Judas….with such love…for it all to end in such horror is inconceivable….I will remember him by loving…as he loved us….fully, deeply, without restraint.

Some are saying that they have seen him…could it be???

Isaiah 43:16-21; Psalm 126; Philippians 3:4b-14; John 12: 1-8